I am writing these lines as a woman who has been able to fix her troubled marriage. What I want to do in this site, as you can read in the About Me section, is to help couples (whether it’s the husband or the wife seeking advice for troubled marriage) save their marriages. So, in this post I will start with talking about what didn’t work for me.
- I acted overly good to my spouse. Nothing changed, and I think he even got angrier at me when I tried to play down our quarrels, because he realized that I was doing it on purpose.
- I acted overly bad to my spouse. When I saw that the above didn’t work, I tried the opposite – there has to be something that works, right? Well, this didn’t work either. Moreover, it even aggrevated our quarrels.
- I ignored him. As much as I could, I began ignoring him – going out more and more with friends, not talking to him much etc. This was the worst of it all. I realized that he liked the fact I was ignoring him – because he was already thinking of divorce, he now thought I was looking forward to it too. It did some catastrophic damage to our marriage, I think.
At that stage I was completely devastated and I cried secretly every night. He heard me crying but didn’t bother to talk to me and ease me a bit. This made me even worse, I had nightmares every day. Our marriage was going downhill as fast as it possibly could – and there seemed nothing I could do to save my marriage…
How bad those days were. But yes, now I am together and very happy with my husband, and our marriage is stronger than ever! And I can’t believe those horrible days, which I felt I was in a mental prison – I felt the walls would crush me… those days were only some months ago! How fast everything has changed, and in the best direction!
So true! Ignoring someone is the one meanest thing you can do, I perceive it as a form of mental abuse! You’re telling the other person, you don’t have a right to exist in my world, that same person you chose to marry!
Now I understand it and I stay away from mental torture because it also potentially toxify the relationship by telling your partner what you consider a “normal behavior”…You ignore him, be prepared to be ignored as well! Ironically, your weapon of choice (ignoring) is very often your weakest point!
I also learned that anger is energy derived from fear and/or frustration. The more you communicate it, the more you are exposing your how your partner is scaring you or frustrating you, giving him more ammo if he is scared and frustrated too. What a nice downward spiral, isn’t it?
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