Comments for Advice For Troubled Marriage http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org Sat, 06 Feb 2010 14:18:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by ASL http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-123 ASL Sat, 06 Feb 2010 14:18:08 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-123 Married for 13 years. Husband left last year for 2 months came back, left again 2 months ago. Says he will file, still hasn't, but I know it's coming. One child 6 and a long history of travelling the world together. He took up a new hobby about 4 years ago of drinking and lying. Since he left he's been sober and works out..."A New Man". Addicted to work, porn, drinking, smoking and getting angry out of context. I have no idea why I am mourning this marriage or fantasizing about saving it. I have no idea why I would choose to live/share my life with such an empty shell. I still have sex with him and cry when my son isn't around. How do I shake this dysfunction? Married for 13 years. Husband left last year for 2 months came back, left again 2 months ago. Says he will file, still hasn’t, but I know it’s coming. One child 6 and a long history of travelling the world together.
He took up a new hobby about 4 years ago of drinking and lying. Since he left he’s been sober and works out…”A New Man”.
Addicted to work, porn, drinking, smoking and getting angry out of context.
I have no idea why I am mourning this marriage or fantasizing about saving it. I have no idea why I would choose to live/share my life with such an empty shell. I still have sex with him and cry when my son isn’t around.
How do I shake this dysfunction?

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Mike http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-112 Mike Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:39:29 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-112 I thought I might write about what is happening in my life at the moment. My wife left me last Monday evening and wouldn't get in touch. When she eventually did get in touch, she told me our relationship is over, and that she wanted a divorce. I am 39, and she is 37. We have been married for 9 and a half years. During this time we have lived near my family, and have travelled the world together extensivly. I feel absolutely devasated. The one person in my life whio I love more than anything in this world doesnt want me anymore. I tried asking her why and she just says shes been unhappy for a long time. Her father is currently in hosital suffering from Cancer and this has put a great strain on us as he is a long way from where we live. She said that seeing him dying in a hospital bed has made her realise that she could in years to come find herself in the same situation and might regret not having had a happy marriage. I have asked her to allow us to at least try to put it right, but she will not. I feel that her work colleagues and family are actively encouraging her to divorce me. We both have very good jobs and a beautiful home, and she is already talking about splitting everything up. I have persuaded her to move back to the family home, but she thinks I now agree with her that the relationship has naturally ended. This is not the case. I am really struggling to cope with this situation, and am frightened that if I do try to talk to her about it she will just disappear from the house again. She has already talked of divorce and last night quoted seeing a solicitor in two weeks to get it sorted. I have no intentions of dealing this quickly with it. Also she wants to get our house on the market quickly. Clearly I also do not want this. I would appreciate any advice that people could give me to save the current situation from getting worse. I thought I might write about what is happening in my life at the moment. My wife left me last Monday evening and wouldn’t get in touch. When she eventually did get in touch, she told me our relationship is over, and that she wanted a divorce. I am 39, and she is 37. We have been married for 9 and a half years. During this time we have lived near my family, and have travelled the world together extensivly. I feel absolutely devasated. The one person in my life whio I love more than anything in this world doesnt want me anymore. I tried asking her why and she just says shes been unhappy for a long time. Her father is currently in hosital suffering from Cancer and this has put a great strain on us as he is a long way from where we live. She said that seeing him dying in a hospital bed has made her realise that she could in years to come find herself in the same situation and might regret not having had a happy marriage. I have asked her to allow us to at least try to put it right, but she will not. I feel that her work colleagues and family are actively encouraging her to divorce me. We both have very good jobs and a beautiful home, and she is already talking about splitting everything up. I have persuaded her to move back to the family home, but she thinks I now agree with her that the relationship has naturally ended. This is not the case. I am really struggling to cope with this situation, and am frightened that if I do try to talk to her about it she will just disappear from the house again. She has already talked of divorce and last night quoted seeing a solicitor in two weeks to get it sorted. I have no intentions of dealing this quickly with it. Also she wants to get our house on the market quickly. Clearly I also do not want this. I would appreciate any advice that people could give me to save the current situation from getting worse.

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by jun http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-105 jun Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:21:44 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-105 Hi everyone, There was a film, called Fireproof. It was exactly about this subject, of two married people that were almost one step to divorce. It is strong advice to watch it. Maybe it will make your mind a little bit clear. Wish you all the best. Regards, Jun Hi everyone,
There was a film, called Fireproof. It was exactly about this subject, of two married people that were almost one step to divorce. It is strong advice to watch it. Maybe it will make your mind a little bit clear. Wish you all the best.
Regards,
Jun

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Kathy http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-100 Kathy Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:56:42 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-100 Dear Noreen, I feel very sad reading your post. You are obviously a very loving person and devoted to your family. You deserve so much more. This is why so many people tell you to leave this man. He has chosen to bring two more children into this world by a single, needy mother. Its understandable that a woman wants children, and that many men would be willing to oblige, but there are such things as sperm banks. She did not need to tap your husband, whom she knew already had an obligation to a wife and children. It says alot about the character of these two adults. What about you? What about your feelings? What about your children? You deserve someone who will love and care about you. You sound like a person who has much to give to someone who truly deserves it. Your husband and this other woman sound like two of a kind--insensitive, self-centered and uncaring about anyone else but themselves. He has already told you he doesn't care about her. He may be telling her the same about his feelings for you. Even if it is a lie, what kind of man is he? You deserve a man who will not be ashamed of his feelings for the woman he loves, or ashamed to admit them to others. There is someone out there for you. Think about what you have to offer. Don't be discouraged because you have two children. It may be that you will have to make a life for you and your children on your own for a while until you are ready to move on--it sounds like you are pretty much doing that now. I endured 20 years of marriage to a man I lost all respect for. He was a liar, a cheat, a gambler and a drinker and drug user. He had no respect for me as a person, or anyone, because he had no respect for himself. I gave him so many chances and tried to be supportive during the few times he tried to improve himself, but in the end he did not appreciate my efforts or take advantage of the many opportunities he had to change his life. But he was the father of our two children. I finally had enough when I saw him trying to destroy our children's lives and told him I wanted him out. It took a few months of persuasion, but he finally agreed and left. I was alone for 4 years when the divorce went through and it was another 6 months before I started dating again. I was fortunate to meet a very good man who is wonderful to me. He was 50 and I was 52 when we met. He appreciates me for who I am and I appreciate him just as he is. We respect and love each other. I knew what I wanted. I also realized I would rather be alone than settle for someone who did not see me as the most important thing in his life. We were married 18 months later and have been married for almost two years. We couldn't imagine our lives without each other. You are worthy of happiness, Noreen. Connect with friends and family who are positive in your life. Be grateful for what you do have. Appreciate the small gifts of kindness and friendship that come your way. Enjoy your children. Good Luck to You Dear Noreen, I feel very sad reading your post. You are obviously a very loving person and devoted to your family. You deserve so much more. This is why so many people tell you to leave this man. He has chosen to bring two more children into this world by a single, needy mother. Its understandable that a woman wants children, and that many men would be willing to oblige, but there are such things as sperm banks. She did not need to tap your husband, whom she knew already had an obligation to a wife and children. It says alot about the character of these two adults. What about you? What about your feelings? What about your children? You deserve someone who will love and care about you. You sound like a person who has much to give to someone who truly deserves it. Your husband and this other woman sound like two of a kind–insensitive, self-centered and uncaring about anyone else but themselves. He has already told you he doesn’t care about her. He may be telling her the same about his feelings for you. Even if it is a lie, what kind of man is he? You deserve a man who will not be ashamed of his feelings for the woman he loves, or ashamed to admit them to others. There is someone out there for you. Think about what you have to offer. Don’t be discouraged because you have two children. It may be that you will have to make a life for you and your children on your own for a while until you are ready to move on–it sounds like you are pretty much doing that now. I endured 20 years of marriage to a man I lost all respect for. He was a liar, a cheat, a gambler and a drinker and drug user. He had no respect for me as a person, or anyone, because he had no respect for himself. I gave him so many chances and tried to be supportive during the few times he tried to improve himself, but in the end he did not appreciate my efforts or take advantage of the many opportunities he had to change his life. But he was the father of our two children. I finally had enough when I saw him trying to destroy our children’s lives and told him I wanted him out. It took a few months of persuasion, but he finally agreed and left. I was alone for 4 years when the divorce went through and it was another 6 months before I started dating again. I was fortunate to meet a very good man who is wonderful to me. He was 50 and I was 52 when we met. He appreciates me for who I am and I appreciate him just as he is. We respect and love each other. I knew what I wanted. I also realized I would rather be alone than settle for someone who did not see me as the most important thing in his life. We were married 18 months later and have been married for almost two years. We couldn’t imagine our lives without each other. You are worthy of happiness, Noreen. Connect with friends and family who are positive in your life. Be grateful for what you do have. Appreciate the small gifts of kindness and friendship that come your way. Enjoy your children. Good Luck to You

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Noreen http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-66 Noreen Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:21:57 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-66 Dear Juliette I thank you in advance for reading this email, My name is Noreen and I am 36 years old married with 2 boys aged 6 and 8 years. After our 2nd sons birth via 2nd c-section I went through a post natal depression and was not my self up till last january (2009). While I was in depression due to me not being myself my husband { aged 41} decided to have an affair with one of his close friend Helen {aged 46} whom according to my husband and many friends was feeling suicidal because Helens mum died and Helen had no other family. So my husband decided to give her children by sleeping with her, and between the 2 of them they agreed that my husband would walk away after the children were born, which as one would expect he could not do after the their daughter was born. I only found out on 24th October 2009 that my husband and Helen have a daughter and Helen is due to give birth to another child boy on 27th of January. In October 2009 despite hearing what had happened I said to my husband that I would like us to try again and he agreed. Although my husband was having an affair he never stayed over at Helens place he would come home earley or late. Things were going better uptill new years eve, when my in laws wanted the children to go and stay with them and I said to my husband that if the children are going to his parents house can he please stay in not go out with his mates because I don't want to be alone at home. On new years eve he stayed at home, but since then he is so determined to leave and get divorced. this is what he has said to me so far because of the way I have been, and that is the reason that he wants to end things, my husband said that he has been an arsehole and he doesnt want to be an arsehole anymore. And the only way forward for him is to leave although at the same time he does accept that things have been better for the past few months. My husband also said that he gave his friend the children and he never planned to be with her or stay with her even in the future yes he will see Helen and the kids but he is not interested in Helen anymore. Yet my husband said that he does want to be there for the children as their dad and Helen as a friend but not as her lover or partner. I have come along way since finding out about the situation. I even have made efforts to go and see Helen and their Daughter with our boys so all the children could spend time together. And as a mother myself I would like our boys to know in good time that Helens children are their sister and brother. In this situation I have been on Yahoo Answers and asked people sadly all I got is other women telling me to leave him, But I dont want to leave him yes I know he has been and arsehole but he is my arsehole and I would like to keep it that way. Please advise me on what to do, or what would be the best way to go forward. Many many thanks Noreen Dear Juliette

I thank you in advance for reading this email,
My name is Noreen and I am 36 years old married with 2 boys aged 6 and 8 years.

After our 2nd sons birth via 2nd c-section I went through a post natal depression and was not my self up till last january (2009).

While I was in depression due to me not being myself my husband { aged 41} decided to have an affair with one of his close friend Helen {aged 46} whom according to my husband and many friends was feeling suicidal because Helens mum died and Helen had no other family.

So my husband decided to give her children by sleeping with her, and between the 2 of them they agreed that my husband would walk away after the children were born, which as one would expect he could not do after the their daughter was born.

I only found out on 24th October 2009 that my husband and Helen have a daughter and Helen is due to give birth to another child boy on 27th of January.

In October 2009 despite hearing what had happened I said to my husband that I would like us to try again and he agreed.

Although my husband was having an affair he never stayed over at Helens place he would come home earley or late.

Things were going better uptill new years eve, when my in laws wanted the children to go and stay with them and I said to my husband that if the children are going to his parents house can he please stay in not go out with his mates because I don’t want to be alone at home.

On new years eve he stayed at home, but since then he is so determined to leave and get divorced.

this is what he has said to me so far

because of the way I have been, and that is the reason that he wants to end things, my husband said that he has been an arsehole and he doesnt want to be an arsehole anymore.

And the only way forward for him is to leave although at the same time he does accept that things have been better for the past few months.

My husband also said that he gave his friend the children and he never planned to be with her or stay with her even in the future yes he will see Helen and the kids but he is not interested in Helen anymore.

Yet my husband said that he does want to be there for the children as their dad and Helen as a friend but not as her lover or partner.

I have come along way since finding out about the situation.

I even have made efforts to go and see Helen and their Daughter with our boys so all the children could spend time together.
And as a mother myself I would like our boys to know in good time that Helens children are their sister and brother.

In this situation I have been on Yahoo Answers and asked people sadly all I got is other women telling me to leave him,

But I dont want to leave him yes I know he has been and arsehole but he is my arsehole and I would like to keep it that way.

Please advise me on what to do, or what would be the best way to go forward.

Many many thanks
Noreen

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Christina http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-65 Christina Tue, 05 Jan 2010 11:33:36 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-65 I have a situation that is spiraling out of control. My husband recently "met up" with an ex girlfriend supposedly to talk about our problems and get advice. I am 30 years old and he is twice my age. We have 2 boys under 2 years old and he didn't put anything (house, car, etc.) in my name and I'm afraid that he will leave me with nothing. He also is threatening to try to fight for full custody of our children. I am extremely depressed and feel hopeless. Those boys are my whole world and I cannot afford a good attorney and if he does get custody I wouldn't be able to afford child support and myself. Any advice?? I have a situation that is spiraling out of control. My husband recently “met up” with an ex girlfriend supposedly to talk about our problems and get advice. I am 30 years old and he is twice my age. We have 2 boys under 2 years old and he didn’t put anything (house, car, etc.) in my name and I’m afraid that he will leave me with nothing. He also is threatening to try to fight for full custody of our children. I am extremely depressed and feel hopeless. Those boys are my whole world and I cannot afford a good attorney and if he does get custody I wouldn’t be able to afford child support and myself. Any advice??

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Jane http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-64 Jane Sat, 02 Jan 2010 00:43:16 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-64 Hello everyone! My name is Jane. I am 30 years old and 3 years ago I married us military guy, 12 years older then me. We have beautiful dauther,she will be 1 year old this year. My husband is a wonderful person. I love him very much. But here is a problem... Year and a half ago we moved from Germany to Las Vegas. My husband was working in Germany while I was in medical school in Europe. Once I graduated we moved to Nevada and I found out I was pregnant. This was great news.The plan was to study and pass my M.D. licensing exams for US doctors and have a baby and then go to residency as a physician.Wel, it didn't work that way. I was always tired, never really studied hard and here I am today still not delivering what I promised. This gives my husband something to talk about meanwhile he decieded to spend a lot of time and our money in casinos.The "hot sex" is gone as well as ttust and love from his side. The problems became so unbearablehe now wants a divorce. I don't. I want to help us to go through it but i am affraid I don't have that power anymore. Any advise? Thank you for reading :) Hello everyone!
My name is Jane. I am 30 years old and 3 years ago I married us military guy, 12 years older then me. We have beautiful dauther,she will be 1 year old this year.
My husband is a wonderful person. I love him very much. But here is a problem…
Year and a half ago we moved from Germany to Las Vegas. My husband was working in Germany while I was in medical school in Europe. Once I graduated we moved to Nevada and I found out I was pregnant. This was great news.The plan was to study and pass my M.D. licensing exams for US doctors and have a baby and then go to residency as a physician.Wel, it didn’t work that way. I was always tired, never really studied hard and here I am today still not delivering what I promised. This gives my husband something to talk about meanwhile he decieded to spend a lot of time and our money in casinos.The “hot sex” is gone as well as ttust and love from his side. The problems became so unbearablehe now wants a divorce.
I don’t. I want to help us to go through it but i am affraid I don’t have that power anymore.
Any advise? Thank you for reading :)

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Joe http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-51 Joe Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:55:50 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-51 Would you be willing to hear my story and offer some advice ? Married 25 years ( S24 , D15 & D9 ) . I'm 51 my wife is 47 . Just weeks away from final divorce decree . I do not nor did I ever want a divorce . I believe she had an affair w/ a co-worker ( both teachers ) and I started confronting her with the evidence . Heard all the textbook responses such s "we're just friends " , " its' your imagination " , etc…. She then went to police , lied about abuse , and had me removed from our home . Dropped the charges 4 days later ( In NJ they must be proved ) . Hasn't talked with me since ( now 15 months ) . Been hearing from neighbors the dude is at my house ( he's married w/ 2 children ) . I never fell out of love with her but she has put me in hell for the last 15 months . Friends , neighbors and some of her teacher friends have contacted me as they feel I need to know the truth of their relationship . She even brought him to court once . My lawyer called it a classless act . She is telling people she was abused but those allegations didn't come out until after the affair was discovered . Don't know if the two are together as my neighbors tell me he hasn't been around anymore . She is adamant we will never get back together . A marriage , families , friends have all been destroyed by this . There is much more to the story but I hit you with the highlights . She was going thru early menopause when this happened . The last 6 months prior we were arguing over her commitment to the marriage as I found a hand written note " I love you " which was a mans' handwriting . She told me her friend across the hall wrote it bit I contacted her and she denied it . I'm totally demoralized . Thoughts ? Would you be willing to hear my story and offer some advice ? Married 25 years ( S24 , D15 & D9 ) . I’m 51 my wife is 47 . Just weeks away from final divorce decree . I do not nor did I ever want a divorce . I believe she had an affair w/ a co-worker ( both teachers ) and I started confronting her with the evidence . Heard all the textbook responses such s “we’re just friends ” , ” its’ your imagination ” , etc…. She then went to police , lied about abuse , and had me removed from our home . Dropped the charges 4 days later ( In NJ they must be proved ) . Hasn’t talked with me since ( now 15 months ) . Been hearing from neighbors the dude is at my house ( he’s married w/ 2 children ) . I never fell out of love with her but she has put me in hell for the last 15 months . Friends , neighbors and some of her teacher friends have contacted me as they feel I need to know the truth of their relationship . She even brought him to court once . My lawyer called it a classless act . She is telling people she was abused but those allegations didn’t come out until after the affair was discovered . Don’t know if the two are together as my neighbors tell me he hasn’t been around anymore . She is adamant we will never get back together . A marriage , families , friends have all been destroyed by this . There is much more to the story but I hit you with the highlights . She was going thru early menopause when this happened . The last 6 months prior we were arguing over her commitment to the marriage as I found a hand written note ” I love you ” which was a mans’ handwriting . She told me her friend across the hall wrote it bit I contacted her and she denied it . I’m totally demoralized . Thoughts ?

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Kelly http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-50 Kelly Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:07:11 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-50 A perfect marriage begins and ends with you It is all up to you. Your spouse is not perfect and never will be. If you are thinking that a perfect marriage is based on some tit for tat kind of deal with romance thrown in it is time to get real. You will be only as happy as you choose to be regardless of your situation. Don't predicate your own thoughts and behavior upon the words and deeds of others. If you do I guarantee disappointment. Try to be a perfect spouse because that will improve your relationship by magnitudes. When you understand this principle and put it into action you will have the perfect marriage. I pray for all of you with marital problems that God gives you faith and the strength to get back the man or woman you love. But you must also take a leap of faith and begin your transformation process, and ladies stop sitting up and waiting up for your man, try making time to go out and leave him babysitting, turn the tables gracefully, remember you are a phenomenal woman, use your beauty and wit and through it all smile, remember you are worth it, so invest in yourself and treat yourself, even if money is tight there, you change your style buy mixing your clothes, use things in your kitchen to make masks, you have the power to reinvent yourself when you want to so make use of that power, remember when you were dating your man, it was fun dressin up and getting that compliment well, its time to work it again ladies.Good luck:-) A perfect marriage begins and ends with you

It is all up to you. Your spouse is not perfect and never will be. If you are thinking that a perfect marriage is based on some tit for tat kind of deal with romance thrown in it is time to get real. You will be only as happy as you choose to be regardless of your situation. Don’t predicate your own thoughts and behavior upon the words and deeds of others. If you do I guarantee disappointment. Try to be a perfect spouse because that will improve your relationship by magnitudes. When you understand this principle and put it into action you will have the perfect marriage.

I pray for all of you with marital problems that God gives you faith and the strength to get back the man or woman you love. But you must also take a leap of faith and begin your transformation process, and ladies stop sitting up and waiting up for your man, try making time to go out and leave him babysitting, turn the tables gracefully, remember you are a phenomenal woman, use your beauty and wit and through it all smile, remember you are worth it, so invest in yourself and treat yourself, even if money is tight there, you change your style buy mixing your clothes, use things in your kitchen to make masks, you have the power to reinvent yourself when you want to so make use of that power, remember when you were dating your man, it was fun dressin up and getting that compliment well, its time to work it again ladies.Good luck:-)

]]> Comment on Advice for Troubled Marriage – Welcome by Pat http://www.advicefortroubledmarriage.org/2009/07/advice-for-troubled-marriage-welcome/comment-page-1/#comment-49 Pat Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:41:34 +0000 http://advicefortroubledmarriage.org/?p=5#comment-49 Thank you for your kindness. He does not have a cell phone. I received a 3 sentence note today with the card of a divorce laywer saying he wishes me the best but he has filed for divorce.Not even 2 weeks and he has come to this.He is BiPolar and Manic. I think he is way off and is in trouble. I continue to pray for him.His family is distant. I have contacted him twice at work and he will not return my calls. I went to a marriage counselor yesterday and it was very positive.I had my daughter in law call him with the counselors name and number. He told her he would call as a courtesy to the counselor but has filed for divorce. The lady called today to say he called and wants to come in. Like I said, he is going through something else besides this.My prayers will continue. Thank you for your kindness. He does not have a cell phone. I received a 3 sentence note today with the card of a divorce laywer saying he wishes me the best but he has filed for divorce.Not even 2 weeks and he has come to this.He is BiPolar and Manic. I think he is way off and is in trouble. I continue to pray for him.His family is distant. I have contacted him twice at work and he will not return my calls. I went to a marriage counselor yesterday and it was very positive.I had my daughter in law call him with the counselors name and number. He told her he would call as a courtesy to the counselor but has filed for divorce. The lady called today to say he called and wants to come in. Like I said, he is going through something else besides this.My prayers will continue.

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