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Hi Juliette,
I could not help but feel sad as I read your articles in your blog. Its not that I am unhappy for you, what a wonderful blessing your relationship with your husband must be for you, but sad about my current situation. On April 6, 2011 it will be my 20th wedding anniversary……but I am not sure how I should celebrate it. My husband, Brent, and I have been in a “crisis” for, what I see now as much of our marriage. We both have been selfish and hurtful to each other. I know much of it is me. For the past 8 months I have made a commitment that no matter what I would do what it takes to have our marriage be a happy one. I have put the past behind me and forgiven him, and most difficul of all myself,(I know that he has not forgiven me). With a great deal of guidance & encouragement from God I have decided to not focus on the things my husband is doing wrong but on myself….it has been very painful and eyeopening for me to see the kind of person I have been to my husband. My husband told me that he does not know if he loves me anymore. Sooo while making these changes within myself, I struggle. It is hard to feel so alone with someone you love. Things lately have been improving some. It is more peaceful in my home. Yet, my husband will not kiss me, or tell me he loves me. He has only recently started to hug me after a year and a half. I want to celebrate my 20th anniversary, but yet I do not want to make him think that I am forcing him to do so too. (even though it means the world to me). I am so Lonely Juliette, but I love my husband so much. I wanted to surprise him with a nice dinner and the house to ourselves, I am just afraid that this will not be what he wants. Do you have any advice for me on how to handle this situation?

Hi Juliette,

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Now for my story…..

I’ve been married for 14 years going on 15 this September 2011, with two children 12 and 13 and I’m retired military. I accepted a job overseas in 2004 to help support my family and she agreed that this was a good opportunity for the whole family. In 2006 i moved her and the children to Germany which is her home so she could be near her family in Munich. We have been physically separated from each other since 2004 because of the job that i do. In 2008 i accepted a job in Wiesbaden Germany. I asked her on several occassion to come upto Wiesbaden to live with me since my job is here but she refused stating that the kids and her were established and she was tired of moving around. I take responsibilty for letting her stay down there with the kids, knowing that this was not such a good ideal because I married this person to be with me, but i went along with it anyway. Fast forward. My wife informed me last year during the Christmas holidays that she did not love me anymore. She still refuses to come and live with me. She told me that she wants to be separated but no divorce at this time, but she can not see a future with me and she is looking for someone that has more education than i do. She told me that i’m just not her type. I take very good care of her and my children finacially. We’ve been to marriage counseling and she still wants to be separated. The bad thing is I still love this woman very much and it breaks my heart that she does not want to be with me anymore and my kids might have to suffer for it. What suggestions can you give me to save this marriage if any?

Thanks,
Nathan